But now it spake very faintly. For on that side whither I had set my
face, and whither I trembled to go, there appeared unto me the
chaste dignity of Continency, serene, yet not relaxedly, gay, honestly
alluring me to come and doubt not; and stretching forth to receive and
embrace me, her holy hands full of multitudes of good examples:
there were so many young men and maidens here, a multitude of youth
and every age, grave widows and aged virgins; and Continence herself
in all, not barren, but a fruitful mother of children of joys, by Thee
her Husband, O Lord. And she smiled on me with a persuasive mockery,
as would she say, "Canst not thou what these youths, what these
maidens can? or can they either in themselves, and not rather in the
Lord their God? The Lord their God gave me unto them. Why standest
thou in thyself, and so standest not? cast thyself upon Him, fear
not He will not withdraw Himself that thou shouldest fall; cast
thyself fearlessly upon Him, He will receive, and will heal thee." And
I blushed exceedingly, for that I yet heard the muttering of those
toys, and hung in suspense. And she again seemed to say, "Stop thine
ears against those thy unclean members on the earth, that they may
be mortified. They tell thee of delights, but not as doth the law of
the Lord thy God." This controversy in my heart was self against
self only. But Alypius sitting close by my side, in silence waited the
issue of my unwonted emotion.
But when a deep consideration had from the secret bottom of my
soul drawn together and heaped up all my misery in the sight of my
heart; there arose a mighty storm, bringing a mighty shower of
tears. Which that I might pour forth wholly, in its natural
expressions, I rose from Alypius: solitude was suggested to me as
fitter for the business of weeping; so I retired so far that even
his presence could not be a burden to me. Thus was it then with me,
and he perceived something of it; for something I suppose I had
spoken, wherein the tones of my voice appeared choked with weeping,
and so had risen up. He then remained where we were sitting, most
extremely astonished. I cast myself down I know not how, under a
Go to Previous Page - - Next Page.